Have you found that menopause symptoms have had a bad effect on your personal relationship? Poor sleep, anxiety and mood swings can have a negative effect on you and all areas of your life, leaching out all of the fun and joy.
When your lover doesn’t know whether they are getting ‘happy you’ who will hug them and dance with them, or ‘raging you’ who might bite their head off, they start to avoid you. The same goes for your kids and your friends, unless they are incredibly understanding or are going through similar symptoms.
When you are in a relationship there are three elements: you, your partner and the relationship between you. Sometimes when a relationship is not going well it’s not that you or your partner are ‘to blame’. The focus needs to be on nurturing the relationship.
How kindness can re-energise your relationship
Kindness is an essential element in nurturing your relationship. This starts with being kind to yourself so that you have the resources to be kind to your partner. Remember ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’.
And by the way, couples in long-term relationships who are kind to each other have better heart health because they have less calcification of the arteries. They are literally less ‘hard-hearted’.
8 Top Tips for creating the habit of kindness in relationship
1 Practice self-care. Manage you time so that you can take time out to be kind to yourself. Say ‘no’ to things you don’t need or want to do so that you have time for the one you love.
2. Build your self-esteem. Be kind to your body through exercise, healthy eating and a bit of pampering. When you love yourself it is easier for others to love you.
3. Do something different with your partner – regularly. To keep relationships fresh it is essential to regularly do different activities together and create new happy memories. You might arrange date nights, meals out, walking together, or going to a movie.
4. Give compliments. Find something kind to say to your partner every day. It could be a simple ‘thank you’, an appreciation for something they have said or done, or a compliment about their appearance.
5. Have a hug. Hug your partner every day, even if you are busy. Hugging releases the hormone oxytocin into your bloodstream that helps to bond you with your partner. Psychotherapist, Virginia Satir, says that you need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth. That’s a lot of hugging!
6. Connect with your inner child. Your inner child loves playing and exploring. Have fun. Have a laugh and a smile with your partner to release the hormone serotonin that makes you feel good. Watch something funny on TV or a funny movie or go out with friends who enjoy a laugh.
7. Keep talking and listening to each other. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Really listen to what your partner is saying. Use active listening skills such as maintaining eye contact and reflecting back words and sentences that your partner has used. DO NOT keep one eye on your mobile phone while you are listening.
8 Enjoy intimate contact. This is not just about sex. This is about kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and affectionate touch. If sex has become difficult because of menopause symptoms, such as loss of confidence or vaginal dryness, be open and talk about it.
By sharing kindness to your partner you will not only strengthen your relationship, you will also improve your menopause symptoms. Win win!
For more help with your improving your relationship contact me to talk about how I might help you.
ps Dr David Hamilton’s inspirational new book, The Little Book of Kindness, is available now on Amazon